Realizing that I have not thought or acted as if Christ is enough for me, I began to reevaluate my life. You see, recently, I’ve only been talking the talk. I claim that Christ has every key to every locked aspect of my heart, but this is not true because I haven’t been living that way. I am still white-knuckling those keys in fear of losing control. And boy, did the question I received from God backhand me across the cheek.
“Lauren, you matter to me. Am I not enough?”
I froze, tears welling up in my eyes, as I began to tremble at the grotesqueness of the way I have been perceiving God. Truth be told y’all, I don’t think God is enough right now. Sitting in my dorm room alone, I became more frightened by this thought of mine than by any other fear I have ever experienced. Am I allowed to think this? Why do I think this? What has happened to me?
I know I sound crazy, but maybe you are struggling with this very same thought. I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. However, freedom, from this lie formed in hell, only comes by confession. So here’s what I confess…
I confess my version of OCD—over-comparison disorder.
I confess that I seek the approval of others more often than I seek the approval of God.
I confess that I fear for what my future holds.
I confess that I fear loneliness.
I confess that I fear being the single 50-year-old woman you find shopping for her 7 cats in Pet-smart.
I confess that I fear infertility later on in life.
I confess that I fear failure or not amounting to much of anything.
I confess that I have a broken heart.
That is just a fraction of the junk I am carrying in my life right now. It’s crazy to think that these things I have just made known are all manifested out of a fearful heart. To go even further, they are all stemmed from a wrong perception of who God is. However, it is not until we confess our deeply rooted brokenness that we begin to find freedom from this junk and the lies that whisper to us “God isn’t enough.” It is not until we admit where we have allowed our flesh to screw with our minds and our hearts that we begin to see God regain His throne as the King of our souls, as well as see our lives recapture their sense of undeserved beauty and meaning.
So dear sister and brother, I challenge you to forget about waiting to approach God when you think you’ve got your crazy together! Forget your good running shoes, and take off after God barefoot. Take off after The One who has loved us to the point of death. To The One who holds our lives in His hands, and who knew us before the foundations of this world with a plan already prepared for us. Run to The One whose Spirit helps us in our weaknesses, and is the only true source of complete satisfaction for our souls. Stop seeking security in your phone, or your significant other, or in the substances you use to grant you a momentary escape from the world. None of these things are fulfilling. Regardless of how they make you feel in the moment, they are designed to leave you empty in the long-run. Jesus is the only one who can quench our thirst for approval, love, and acceptance. Run to Him, my dear sister, and brother. Run to Him because He is who fills our empty buckets with HIS approval, HIS love, and HIS acceptance of us. He is who restores our joy.
I am learning this right alongside each of you. By no means, do I have this down pat. However, I want to continue to share with you that just because you have brokenness in your heart does not mean you can’t, or should not seek after God. He loved us to the point of death. Do you know of anyone else that has done that for you? Christ loved us SO much that He came and died for us! He flipping saved us from an eternity in hell, y’all. With that being the case, then our only response should be to run after Him.
If you are anywhere in the vicinity of the position I was in only a few days ago, then you are probably wondering, “But how, LC? How do I run to Jesus? How do I get freedom?”
Friends, freedom comes through the simple, yet arduous task of surrender. Surrendering ALL of your brokenness, from the ugliest piece to the most decent piece of it. And once you begin to give the pieces of your broken heart to Jesus, He will begin to restore, and revive the ticker He gave to you in the first place. He will fill EVERY empty space, every hollow spot, every pore in your being with Himself. However, you have to give away your one broken heart first. You have to release your grip on your life, your future, your brokenness, your heart COMPLETELY.
God is a faithful God. He will not let you down. He will not abandon you, or leave you hanging once you let go. In fact, once you finally surrender and allow God to be your only source of joy, satisfaction, approval, etc., you will begin to see the remaking of a new you. With the power that the Holy Spirit grants you, you can break the measuring sticks that the enemy wants to you to use in order to compare yourself with the rest of the world. No longer will you seek the affection of others to heal the hidden rejection in your heart, but you will begin to seek Jesus every second of every day because you know that it is Him who heals you perfectly and fully.
So be the man and the woman who are brave enough to walk in vulnerability. Be the man and the woman who are strong enough to admit their brokenness to God. The world has enough people who know how to do what the world asks of them. What we need are men and women who know how to do hard and holy things. Be gutsy, and take off the mask that tells people “Oh, I’m fine. I’ve got my life together.” Newsflash, none of us have, or will have our life together until we reach heaven. So take off the mask because the only thing you are hiding is Jesus. It is through your brokenness that He is revealed, and it through the emptying of your brokenness that you are healed.
And lastly, SHARE your brokenness. Revelation 12:11 says “And they have conquered [the enemy] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.” Your brokenness is a testimony, and it is what will defeat the enemy in the end. Help your brothers and sisters out. Just as you are finding freedom in the jagged parts of your life, strive to share your story in order to help others experience that same freedom.
Y’all are loved beyond what you may think. The God of the Universe has redeemed you, called you His own, and made a way for you to experience life in the most fullest way possible.
Go do crazy things for the Lord, and live in freedom!
I leave you with a few of verses to meditate on:
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”